Discussion topic 2 February 2016

The topic for discussion last night was “Why is mediocrity such a bad word considering most of us are”.  Some of our responses:

“Australians of an older generation were encouraged not to brag, encouraged to be self deprecating, not too worried about being a bad dancer as it’s fun, I’m a fantastic friend and really honest so that’s the important stuff, being in a big family it was best to fly under the radar, the athletes at school were popular wheras I was a painter – now they can’t run but I can still paint, being passionate about something means you’re not mediocre, none of us are, capitalist society encourages the idea of competition and rating ourselves, had the opportunities our parents didn’t have so feel obliged to make use of them, don’t measure yourself against others but be yourself, be your authentic self, being mediocre is an attitude to life and jobs – so be the best you can and you will never be mediocre, lot of pressure from family to excel, I like being happy rather than rating myself against others, being good at things is good for your self esteem, follow your passion, great pressure on school and university students to not fail, fear of mediocrity can kill creativity as it means people are too frightened to attempt something in case they fail, laugh about your silliness, there is no such thing as perfect but we are encouraged to chase the idea of perfect and society traps us into fear and endless competition.”
 
Not a particularly gay topic but an interesting one I think.

Next week the lovely Cindy will be facilitating for the very first time so start practising your scales and arpeggios right now. It should be a good evening.
 

Discussion Topic 19 January 2016

The topic up for discussion last night was whether you’d used a pick up line and had it worked.

The responses came from two camps: the bold and the…less than bold.

Some bold strategies were:

“Just go straight up and kiss ‘em, need to take time to get to know someone, it’s good if you’re dressed flamboyantly and behaving over the top in a sort of masquerade setting, use the banter of the moment that can lead to things, there are two types – ones you get to know slowly and others that you kiss on the first night, go up and talk to them and introduce yourself”

Some people preferred not to be so bold and found it really important to get to know someone first:

“Really want to get to know someone first, like getting to know someone but don’t get to know them too well as the path to Friendsville can often divert from the part to Couplesville”

There was the perennial problem of liking someone so much that when you did speak to them you came across as a gibbering loon.

There were also comments that women are socially conditioned to be passive and it’s hard to change and be more assertive with going after someone you think is great.  Someone commented we need a June Dally-Watkins for lesbians.

Another idea was that in nightclubs you need to have heart rate monitors strapped on so if you like someone your heart rate goes up and they can see if you like them, ditto with the blood pressure monitors.

And to top off these stories of a lesbian nightclub looking like the coronary care unit of RPA, the lovely Anna tells a story about her uncle who, as a young man, had a nice night at a party with a girl in Singapore, couldn’t forget her, went to a college in the USA (population in the gazillions) and – she was there. They’re now celebrating some umpteenth wedding anniversary. Aw gee shucks.

Thanks to Lin for running the proceedings last night.  The next Open House is on 2nd February as we’re taking a break for Australia Day.

Email sydneyopenhouse@yahoo.com.au for more info.

Discussion topic 12 January 2016

The topic for the evening was about those comments well-meaning straight people make about gay people when they think they’re being really nice – but are often patronising and sometimes insulting. A few examples brought up:

“I am really tolerant – I’m fine with gay people, I don’t know how things work but I pray for a man for you, the dilemma of being known in the caravan park as a straight person and hearing comments (not unpleasant) about gay people and then becoming gay and not knowing how or whether to fess up to your new persona (expect the sitcom on your screens any day soon), it’s such a shame that he’s gay, I’ve got no problem with lesbians…, straight white people often have not known what it is to be in the position of a minority and could do well to have the experience of ‘walking a mile in someone else’s moccasins’, at least you’re accepted, it’s an epidemic in Sydney’.

Discussion topic 5 January 2016

The lovely Wendy introduced the discussion topic; when your friend wants more than friendship how do you gently let them know you don’t.  Our responses:

“Talk about it with them, it’s going to be really difficult because you don’t want to hurt their feelings, having been on the receiving end of a rebuff like this you know that well-meaning comments like – partners come and go but friendships are for ever – are pure bunkum,  say – it’s not you it’s me, give them a general out by saying you don’t want a relationship, be honest, there's nothing you can say that is going to make it okay, go and have coffee with them and discuss it further, you have to be quite blunt otherwise you can lead them on, time is a good healer and even if they’re hurt for a while they (probably) will get over it.

And thank you to Gabe for channelling the absent Nuzza and telling us about a ‘Hot Friends’ algorithm/spreadsheet/list that her and some friends ran for a while before tearing it up and moving on to quantum physics instead.

Next week moi will be in the driving seat and the topic will be those things really lovely, well-meaning straight people make to you about your being gay, e.g. “I’m really completely accepting about gay people”. 

Discussion topic on 15 December 2015

The question last night was how do you find the experience of living in the world as it is now – what seems to be different/new/perplexing about the spirit of our times?

A question based on a reading of the book “All That Is Solid Melts Into Air”
http://www.versobooks.com/books/705-all-that-is-solid-melts-into-air

Our responses were interesting and varied and talked a lot about technology, the self and – well lots more:

“Amazed to watch couples on a date at a restaurant spend more time on their mobiles or photographing their food and posting it on Facebook, people more interested in virtual life, have three million friends on Facebook but no one, latest fad becomes an obsession, preoccupation with ourselves, people obsessed with finding a ‘real’ self when that is a fluid thing that depends on surroundings, need to teach people to resist demands on themselves that they really don’t agree with, it’s fucked – how can a few people have all the power in the world, people are always in a hurry, have to be politically correct to be acceptable, just love the latest electronic stuff, adapt to the times, shoes should have heels(i.e. embrace the fun of a consumer society) embrace technology, I ask the same question every day of my life, love talking to real people but also love being on Facebook, it’s a challenge to do the stuff to pay the bills and still have room for joy in your life, nice to connect with someone, technology means connecting with people irrespective of geography, media is driven by a need to sensationalise stories to get more readers, lack of authority – who should we trust to tell us what is going on, reliance on money when people should stop and smell the roses, people are harder and more cruel, how we do things has changed”
 
Thank you to all as I found that a really very, very interesting discussion with such widely differing opinions.
 
Next week the lovely Lin is running the joint so it should be a good night.
 

Discussion topic 8 December 2015

Lots of people from Open House went to the Polly’s Christmas bash in Marrickville last Saturday – and what a fantastic evening that was!

After all these years of hearing how tragic the drag shows were at Pollys, when I finally got there I found them...good.  Sort of like swapping Tony for Malcolm

And on the theme of Christmas, Chanters facilitated last night asking a simple question and an interesting one – “Christmas – do you love it or hate it and do you have any Christmas traditions?’

Fairly evenly balanced between lovers and haters with a big lump in our normal distribution curve.
 
On the negative side: hate Christmas – hate the music, hate the day and hate the fact that it’s my birthday on Christmas day, don’t like the stress and hated working in retail, this is the first time I’ve looked forward to Christmas in 8 – 9 years, hated it when people snuck into my house and put up a Christmas tree- took it back to their place and planted it upside down,

On the positive side: love the carols, love the message of Christmas of peace and goodwill and respecting the vulnerable, love Christmas and Chinese New Year, Great.

On the hump side of weird stuff and rituals that happen at Christmas that’s quite amusing: we write poems for each other as presents, best Christmas day was working, like Church music, like the stone fruit and Boxing day on the harbour, it’s a party and we’re all pissed, like the corny Bing Crosby songs, go to the women’s pool at Coogee and it’s deserted (although maybe not THIS year!), it’s spectacular in Singapore, eat a lot-drink a lot and fall asleep on the couch, buy each other a Christmas decoration, like the lights and the bling, liked it cause it was the only day we got to spend with dad,good old Great Aunt Shirley, being Jewish I’ve only got around to discovering Christmas, help mum put thruppences and sixpences in the Christmas pudding,

And a couple of interesting Christmas rituals: the boys get to do the dishes and all the chairs are arranged in the kitchen like a theatre so that the girls can watch them.  Or, the ‘Marguerita contest’ – how long will we manage to make proper Margueritas before we get too schickered and dispense with the trimmings in favour of just tequila, salt and lemon??

Thank you to everyone for those very interesting insights.

Discussion topic 1 December 2015

Last night at Open House a special prize goes out to the person with the longest gap between visits.  The lovely Lavender last attended Open House in 1981 in North Melbourne when the ‘House had just started.  Must have been someone she sat next to?? Anyway, great to have her presence in the House and hope to see her again soon.

Also welcome back to the lovely Silvana – having a contemplative time after the State Government outsourced her job overseas.  Which seems like a perfect thing to do to the State Government.

The lovely Jo and Wendy were back for a brief visit before they are PLUNGED into austerity to save for their round the world trip.  Austerity being only attending 6 operas a year instead of 12.

The lovely Felicity had a light day only running 16 kilometres,  Megan helped out with archiving Lesbian Network.

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Kim got the house fixed, Kali chugged along, and Shee had two weeks leave and ended up with a lot more than just some holiday snaps – but we’ll need to ply her with alcohol to get the full details on that.

Whatever you do, don’t get into a roadside altercation with Olivia – she is a karate instructor. Along with a bitumen tester. Which I suppose means that after she drops you she knows exactly the grade of roadside you’re hitting.

The lovely Wendy had a swim at a waterfall and Michelle had a surprise birthday party that started at lunch and finished at 3am.  The lovely Maria is enjoying the delights of sailing around on the harbour and the lovely Vanessa has two weeks leave and is relaxing to Buddhist meditation tapes – which all sounds very blissful with not a deep frier around.

Anna had two dozen macarons for lunch – or that’s what she shouted from the ceiling.  Almost bobbing up there with her was the lovely Tiff who has finished uni, ditched a job she disliked and got a new one and is looking forward to leisure and dancing.

Lin has finished her masters and is feeling fabulous and all on for leisure with a bit of dancing and the lovely Eliza had a good week.

Lots of purrs of contentment in the library last night.

The lovely Gabe asked the question, “How was your 2015”

“It was the fastest year ever, hated it, been slow because I was made redundant and had to wait for the money to pay off the house, started year with Abbott in power and he was a destructive influence, good year but next year will be austerity, year of terrible lows but it’s heading upwards, got on Facebook, I’m faceless on Facebook, achieved things in running, this time last year I wouldn’t have realised I’d have such a huge year – maybe it’s the Saturn return thing, lost job in restructuring but then got a new one, had a great year of change, have a brand new gorgeous granddaughter, okay year but hopefully next year will be better, worst year ever but everything going upwards, lots of ups and downs but the good thing is made a lot of new friends, I don’t grow up so I’m happy, a marble cake of a year, had three parties-seven lunches-four afternoon teas for my 70th so it was good, joined swimming club and going out more to get over my fears, interesting and had to look at changes in my life, thriving in new environment at work and looking forward to next year, fucking huge and don’t want to do it again and looking forward to 2016”.

Thanks to Gabe for facilitating and performing her poem “Weightless” – no pressure on the other facilitators to follow but you do know the bar has been lifted.

Next week the lovely Vanessa is going to take time off from swimming and Buddhist tapes to facilitate for the very first time.  Very much looking forward to that.

Discussion topic 24 November 2015

The lovely Carly, very much still managing her new hairstyle, asked a good question the other night: “Your perfect woman – discuss”. 

Wellllll, had to scribble notes frantically on that one but here are our preferences:

“a vision board with a very long list and some pictures, beautiful, kind, sweet, loves animals – but I can be flexible, to tick the box they would have to have a box, tall (but maybe not), more about their characteristics, generous of themselves, intelligent, confident, I don’t think I’m perfect so I couldn’t handle anyone perfect, it’s how they make me feel, someone who doesn’t bore me, not a static figure, as I get older so you take what you can get (lol), get on with my family, just has to be perfect for me, able to engage with the person, must be able to surf and dance, get on with my mates, very blonde or very dark, very attractive and feminine, pure, loyalty, decency, stable, feel relaxed with them, health focused, empathetic, sense of humour, not religious, enjoying every day, tolerant, someone who mirrors me, I don’t know what I want, someone who drives me crazy, chemistry, emotional intelligence, has passion, visual, talk non-stop, like food, honest, humble, smart, curious about the world, put up with me, Meryl Streep, I need three perfect women – the housewife, the trophy wife, the good wife – two days with each and a rest on Sundays”.

Thanks for a good, at times uproarious, discussion everyone.

Next week the lovely Chanters is facilitating – and actually volunteered without the prospect of being water boarded.  Goodo.

November 10 2015

The question posed by Prue the other night was about challenges – what challenges had you overcome and how you dealt with them in a positive way. Our responses were:

“So much of life is challenging at the moment in that things change constantly and there is a morass of communication technology that must be fought through and you dare not give up because you will lose contact with the present and become a Luddite, people often don’t know what they’re doing and make it up, getting over being homeless for a few years, walking away and laughing rather than getting upset by someone, getting out of bed when you’ve got nothing to do, focus on what you want and you’ll get over the challenges, if you see it as a challenge rather than a crisis you’re in a better place, I’m optimistic and see it as something to achieve, the whole year has been a challenge with injuries and fines, get a new direction as life gets complex, when younger qualified as a carpenter and put up with the bullying and misogyny but now as evidenced with Michelle Payne’s win at the Melbourne Cup feminist aims have become mainstream, decide that you don’t want to be shy and decide to change”.

November 3, 2015

That was the topic on Tuesday 3 November at Open House at the Women's Library in King St Newtown..  And our responses to the topic:

“Yes, because it is a generalised term rather than saying I don’t like this gay person doing…, yes because it is every gay person they are stereotyping, you wouldn’t be able to say I don’t like women, black people, Muslims etc, social media can be useful as if people do make comments like that they get called out on it, you can dislike a person but not a whole group, you dislike the things you fear, it’s lazy communication and worth teasing out exactly what things or actions they don’t like, if there is some reason for disliking gay people it should be explained, I can be heterophobic, had a couple of real homophobes in the family and it was really nasty, people can jump on the bandwagon when terms like transphobic get bandied around, some of the worst homophobes can be gay people themselves – lesbians who don’t like lesbians, it’s okay to say things but if it means restricting other people’s freedom that’s not okay,...

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October 27, 2015

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Last nght, Tuesday 27 the topic for discussion was “If money constraints were out of the picture – what could you see yourself doing with your life?”  Our responses:

“Live in a sustainable community, go to Uni, take more holidays, get a personal chef and a cleaner, work with animals, travel, get own private gym and chef, study musical instruments, study things I’d never tried before like graphic design, build community, turn my house into a small farm like the TV series ‘The Good Life’ but in FNQ not Surbiton, set up nature tours, own chain of pre-schools, travel, do a doctorate about literacy amongst high school students, have a stable and show ponies, spend time learning, get into politics and get rid of politicians, become a philanthropist and try to give money in a way that doesn’t disempower the recipients, buy a pair of jeans like hers

, own a Leica camera and back pack around the world eating at every patisserie, have a shop with a workshop at the back and sometimes give stuf.f away

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